Wow, I went and looked over my past posts and how lacking my writing has been. Needless to say, there hasn't been any in over a year! I'm sorry to anyone this affects. Anyways, I guess I type these introductions mostly for my own sake. So, for the three people that read this I'm posting the two short stories I wrote over the summer and finally finished and typed up to self-publish. I don't plan on immediately writing anything but will post whenever I do.
I am here now, although, my recollection of how I came here is absent from my memory. Truthfully, those details are unnecessary after all the events I have experienced here. I’m not sure how, but now I am sure why I am here. This “why” is a convoluted idea. To come to an adequate understanding I will have to tell my memories from the beginning… the arrival here.
Enlightenment is a good word. My definition is the action of gaining new knowledge and understanding. This new understanding is as if a light had been turned on in a dark room. So, if one wanted to understand a room completely he or she would need to know it both in dark and in light. The dark was the abyss that once filled my reminiscences. I can still hear sounds of honking forklifts and rattling metal from the plant at which I worked. The sight though was no more than a dark grey. Outside of my dead-end career, my recreational habit drinking dizzied my dark sight. The only thing clear and bright was my childish crush on the bartender Debra.
She preferred to be called Deb; I preferred Debbie – we were both only twenty-five.
I’d spend a few nights a week walking to the bar from my apartment and chat with her. She’d show me a glistening smile laced with ivory white teeth. Maybe her smile was what attracted me to her in the first place. I could never have one on my own face. Whether for tips or for my unexpected humor she gave a girlish giggle at jokes as we enjoyed each others’ company. When she tended to other customers I would quietly watch, but as a man I would notice her fit body and milky skin out of place against the dim lighting of the atmosphere. Lights would flicker in their fluorescent bulbs leaving the place in a gloom. If Debbie became busy for too long the haze of the weak lighting and bites from the glasses of rattlesnakes became unbearable.
My apartment wasn’t much to return to by myself. Darkness encompassed the studio room and windows were strangely absent yet multiple times at night I could feel the chilly draft of the wind. If I were to try a redecoration I may have felt a small difference, but I could never muster the effort to try. I rarely attempted to turn on my lamp; seldom did I even dream when I slept. Darkness simply washed over my eyes until I awoke once again in another day of perpetual dusk.
But what good is light except to reveal the underlying layers of what is in the dark?
My last memory before my arrival was lying down in my bed. When I awoke I was here. I awoke amongst nature. I awoke bathed in light from the sun and the light refracting off the water droplets resting on the leaves. My subconscious was yelling out of fear but my consciousness just wanted to stay amongst the light.
I had to survey the area. A rush of excitement and euphoria coursed through my veins. My surroundings seemed brighter, welcoming even. While I believe most men would’ve been paralyzed in shock, I felt rather adventurous. My body felt tighter but my clothes may not have been suitable. I immediately tore my sleeves from my shirt and did the same to my leggings of my jeans.
My survey consisted of many hours hiking through various terrains. Truly, my location was indescribable. If one were to imagine the entire Earth condensed into one land mass one would arrive here. I scouted a small mountain directly north, maybe a mile or so away of where I was standing. I approached it. The mountain was a foreboding figure. The rocks forming the base were of a dark color but felt firm to grip. I did not wish to climb a mountain so I return to my arrival point.
In my scouting venture I uncovered a fair portion of the northern region so I went south aiming for at least the same amount of distance. Conveniently, I stumbled across the sound of running, flowing water. Following my ears, and soon my sense of olfaction, I was saved. Maybe I was blessed, lucky, or perhaps even destined. My eyes beheld a sparkling lake like the ground was a cup under a faucet that was the waterfall above. The waterfall was a curtain to the plateau from which it dropped. Serenity echoed from the scene as the sun danced in the setting sky. Now I only needed one thing. In my head I began to pray for shelter.
My thoughts congealed into reality. As I circled the lake behind the waterfall I uncovered a small cave. This would be my shelter; maybe all of this won’t be too bad. From inside I could truly notice wondrous details of my surroundings. The warm temperature put me at ease, and the sound of rushing water filled my ears.
I decided to bask in this environment during the remaining hour or so of sunlight. I tasted crisper air on my tongue and heard the very sounds of beauty. Melodies were harmonizing between the birds, water, and wind. The sun was setting and I gazed across the colorful landscape. I felt a sensation of being inside a painting. This feeling was followed by an even greater, powerful emotion: happiness. With a smile on my face, I retreated into my new dwelling. I made a bed of soft leaves, which may have been dirty but more comfortable than nothing, then rested. I would have a busy day when I awoke tomorrow.
I awoke early. I realized this was no dream, which actually made me smile. I believe the mere existence of more light just made me cheerful. My head shook fiercely with thoughts the entire time I finished setting camp with my hands. Satisfaction was all I felt when sharpening stones, trimming rope, and gathering wood. I also fetched edible berries and kindling. Survival did not seem hard; the island was somewhat welcoming of my presence.
Although the entire day had passed, the roughest part was behind me. My third day began with a rush of blood. My spirit and vigor was shocked to life with adrenaline. Simply put, I felt stronger. I wanted to wrestle a bear or shatter rocks, but I knew what I had to do. Today would be the day I climbed the mountain. Something from the peak kept calling me, beckoning me to join with spirits and dance at the top. I gave into the urge.
Once I approached my mountain foe, I observed a passable clearing. The beginning of my trek was possible to hike. My legs carried me as my mind wandered. A few times thoughts collected about my life before arriving here. My memories were heavy on my eyes– as if my whole life had been lived in a fog. My only sensation when those thoughts came was that of a mild fluster of guilt for not being here with everyone else. I shook my head clear like an etch-a-sketch and returned to hiking. I don’t recall who “everyone else” would be. My feet never laid deep prints, and the cool air kept me refreshed. My equipment was only a tall stick I dug into the ground to keep my footing on steep inclines.
My feet reached the end of the path, what I later figured was an hour or so before sunset. I only know now because I was able to watch the sun dip into the horizon. This wouldn’t be the end of this journey though.
I turned around leaning my head back to lay my eyes upon a glistening rock wall that shaped up into a small plateau. Again the mountain spoke to me, “Come watch from up here.” I smelt and tasted a challenge. My ego would accept any challenge that appeared. Slowly, I approached the obstacle still staring upward. My eyes locked onto various possibilities. No matter what, though, I had to start with the first step forward.
I reached my right arm up allowing my hand to grasp one smooth rock sticking out; I raised my right leg to place my foot inside an indentation. I matched my symmetry with my left side, and then I repeated the process. My muscles flexed and I began to struggle to pull my weight. No surprise that I lost my footing more than once, but my desire to reach the top lifted me up to where I needed to be. I gave all my energy at the end to drag my weight to the edge of the cliff. Exerting my soul and effort I collapsed with my back on this bed of grass laughing after escaping death on the face of a mountain.
My eyes looked onto the sky. The time was dusk, truly my favorite hour. A cool breeze rubbed against my damp skin, giving me a rather comfortable chill. My mind drifted at a peaceful pace. I noticed how bright sky was even with the sun setting. The rocks even sparkled with twinkling, dancing lights. An uncontrollable smile smothered my face as my body cringed succumbing to more laughter. Everything was as cheerful as if on holiday.
With a deep internal sigh, the kind released from the diaphragm, my thoughts became complex, all too introspective. The placid sky of purple and orange became hazy. I felt a familiar darkness, a mixture of shadows and grays. The voices of the outdoors sounded in a supple hush. This voice was different, a soft-spoken female with a pleasing voice but with a hidden sadness. “How do you feel?” she said. Her voice came from all directions. Was this a trick? Who was this?
I responded to the air hoping my voice would travel. “Actually… I’m great. I feel… at ease.” Finishing my statement, I sat up with my hands on the ground. I was startled. Somehow I had found peace here – wherever here is.
She, this voice, continued asking interrogating questions, “You look happy, but can you be so happy like this?”
While I knew she was right, my reasoning had yet to analyze the situation. I stood erect with my hands on my hips. I licked my teeth and stared off into space. This voice had altered my surroundings the darkness had eaten away at my beautiful sun-drenched sky. I caught my breath. The inhalation brought thousands of mental images. The exhalation left only one truth. “Because I’m alone,” I spoke out loud to myself. That fact was the only reason I could conjure – and it was true and the truth is powerful. I could begin to feel light warming my back, if only a little. The lady gave a sigh and that was all I heard.
The voices wouldn’t stop there. I physically heard my own voice behind me. No matter my orientation, the voice was directly behind me. It would speak, “But don’t you feel lonely? What becomes of happiness when it cannot be shared with others?” These questions attacked and antagonized me, the warm on my back faded. Instead my own thoughts paralyzed me with an arctic chill, as if to find an answer I must first traverse the harshest blizzard.
My mouth was agape, but I tried to answer. I replied, “Yes I am lonely, of course I am. However, I feel that this loneliness is rather sweet. For this is a peaceful loneliness. There are no distractions, no unnatural demands, and no responsibilities for others. I am here making due with my self-existence. As for right now, I am contempt with this. I think, maybe, we’re conditioned to need people and use them as crutches to make it through societal living. Without society, however, humans should be fine with themselves. I think…” I wouldn’t call my thoughts “beliefs”, but rather they should be identified as reasons – the only reason I could develop in regards to my attraction to being alone. This would be the reason why children want to disappear sometimes, or adults need “me time”, or why everyone has an incident of anger with no cause for it.
The voice returned with one final question, speaking with a hint of reluctance. “Well,” he paused as if he knew the answer, “if you were asked whether or not you wished to return to the world out of here, knowing you could never change your mind what would your answer be?”
“I apologize society,” I answered. “But leave me my spirit and forget the rest of the world and I’ll be fine.” I closed my eyes to aid in trying to refrain from second thoughts. I opened them once again to behold my paradise. Golden yellow sunlight beamed down to the dirt. Colors were vibrant as birds raced across the horizon. All why’s, how’s, and where’s were superfluous questions.
Slowly going down the mountain and back to camp, I tried to take in as much as I could. Introspection is a healthy technique at times. I spent a cool night in front of a camp fire eating fish and apples. I drummed with two sticks to the rhythm of any music in my head. I felt like now I was in charge of my own life. I had ultimate freedom and perpetual bliss. I write this down to let you know that there is no fear and sorrow. However, I could still not explain the reason for this feeling but likewise I couldn’t think of a reason to leave here.
*****
Debra walked gingerly across the linoleum tile late on this Sunday night in the midst of July’s summer heat. This month was the hottest in
She worked nights, so, being awake late was not bothersome to her much. Besides, when visiting someone in the hospital who has no one else there, that person tends to withhold complaints. Debra turned on the lights in the patient’s room, sat down in the chair beside the bed, and crossed her legs. One turn of her head allowed her to see the plain white walls, the window with the curtain and blinds closed, and the man there in the bed completely unconscious.
He was breathing, but doctor’s declared him comatose. He was a regular at the bar Debra worked. She would converse with him often and smiled when he cracked a joke. She never began to notice that her shift was a little easier to withstand when he showed up to be her company. Needless to say, these past two weeks were unbearable without him. Her mood quickly changed upon noticing a strange smile upon this man’s face. Debra placed her head in her hands and chuckled.
“You did always find a way to make me laugh,” she began. “Who would’ve figured I would’ve helped put you in here – alcohol poisoning. Ha! Still mostly your fault though. How do you feel?” She felt strange conversing with someone who was unable to reply. “You look so happy. How can you be so happy like this?” she asked with water accumulating in her eyes, but her mouth remained straight.
She spent a significant time in silence with the only noise being the breaths both of them took. Then, as if from natural build-up in her lungs, Deb began to sing in a soft, sweet, angelic tone. Be my friend/Hold me/Wrap me up/Unfold me/I am small/And needy/Warm me up/And breathe me… With a calm crescendo she grabbed her bag and walked out the door. Her eyes were still full of water. “Good night, Michael.”
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